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requested that contributions be made in her name to a psy-
choanalytic foundation. Without this analytic experience of
treatment, those years would never have happened in this
healthier way. I was then my own person and was able to
love her for being my mother. I felt she owed that to my
psychoanalysis.
What does all of this have to do with anxiety? The most
anxious of times were when I was sure everything would
cave in on me. In retrospect, I saw the times when I felt I
would not make it were those very times when I was get-
ting better. I gave up using her words and seeing myself as
I thought she saw me; I tried to find my own voice. I didn t
know how to do it, and my native trust in my own
resources was very weak. But it happened. And as it did,
my anxiety receded remarkably.
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49. How does anxiety appear in children
and adolescents?
This book is largely devoted to the anxiety phenomenon
experienced in adults. However, children experience at
least as much, if not more, anxiety than adults. After all,
much adult anxiety has its roots in childhood. Behaviors
that would tip parents off to their children s being anxious
might include crying, difficulty separating or attending
school, difficulty sleeping, wetting the bed, losing control
of stool, torturing animals, setting fires, vandalizing prop-
erty, having an unusual level of sexual curiosity or behav-
ior, exhibiting odd eating behaviors, having an unusual or
new preoccupation with weight or body image, or simply
telling a parent that they do not feel good about them-
selves or that they feel nervous in certain situations. Many
similar anxieties expose themselves under the framework
of adolescence. Anxiety often lies underneath promiscu-
ity, drug experimentation, threatening or violent behavior,
poor school performance or shy, inhibited social behavior.
It is worth wondering whether children today are more
or less anxious than children of prior generations.
When children in this era line up at the summer camp
pharmacy to take their antidepressants, something
seems to be too anxious about the way they feel. Chil-
dren can be the worst-treated of any group by their
families; it is so easy for the adult mind to disavow the
raw, regular daily needs of children who need so much
time and guidance. Leaving children without this sup-
port creates real feelings of emptiness in children, who
then attempt to fill these perceived deficits with abu-
sive relationships, with alcohol, or with overachieve-
ment. If, for any reason, you believe your child or
adolescent may have anxiety of any type, many
resources exist to use as referrals. Two rating scales in
the back of this book are for children and adolescents;
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references for books and professional psychological
testing are to be found in the reference section. Grand-
parental involvement, tutors at school programs, and
the active involvement of others can all do wonders.
The first place to start is consultation with a reliable
professional.
50. What is the relationship between
alcohol and anxiety?
Alcohol is in a category of its own when it comes to
anxiety. Not only is alcohol such a common substance
of use and abuse in our culture, but it is sufficiently
socially acceptable so as to find a presence in Olympics
and Super Bowl advertisements. Alcohol serves as a
social lubricant in our society; members of our culture
use it to prepare for a date, make a professional presen-
tation, make it easier to attend a work function, or
before having intercourse. It is usually accurate to say
that if alcohol really helps you to feel better, then you
probably have anxiety. It is very common for patients
to report that alcohol provides a deeply self-soothing
state of mind, involving heightened creativity and a
heightened sense of integrity. People report that they
are feeling at their best when they are drinking
attractive, whole, glamorous, loved, and alive. If, for
whatever reason, you find yourself thinking that you
drink too much; find yourself annoyed when people
ask you about your drinking; have tried to cut back on
your own; or find yourself drinking in the morning
shortly after you wake up, you may meet criteria for
alcohol dependence and would benefit from consulta-
tion with a mental health professional. As much as
alcohol may make anxiety disappear in the short term,
chronic use of and withdrawal from alcohol only
makes anxiety worse in the long term.
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51. What is the relationship between
other drugs and anxiety?
There are so many different drugs of use and abuse in
our society; it is impossible to discuss more than a few
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