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You re safe here. Talk to me.
A surge of emotions churned inside her stomach and she felt like a
dam was about to break. Elisa turned and buried her face in his chest, her
shoulders bobbing up and down as she sobbed. I haven t talked about it
for so long. I don t think I can anymore.
Try me.
Chris reached over and pulled a tissue from the box, gently dabbing
her eyes and cheeks with it.
I don t want you to feel sorry for me.
I m not like that.
No, you re not. I appreciate that. I m not sure why, but things are
becoming more obvious to me, like I m seeing them in a new light. I
used to love Christmas; it was my favorite time of the year, and not just
because I got presents. Then it all came to a sudden stop one day. I
remember I was ten at the time. My father was called away on a last
minute business trip, he was a gallery owner and he d been trying to
close a deal with a friend of his. I remember my dad being excited, but I
couldn t be excited for him. All I could think about was how it affected
me. It was Christmas Eve and I was begging him not to go. I even
threatened to hate him forever if he left. He promised me he d be back
before I even got up in the morning. We were very close, he and I. The
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thought of not spending Christmas all together as a family seemed wrong
to me, on many levels.
Elisa paused a moment to blow her nose and gather her thoughts. It
was comforting for Chris to have his arms around her as she talked,
sitting there and listening attentively. She did feel safe.
When I got up the next morning, I ran down the stairs and stared at
the enormous pile of presents beneath the Christmas tree. My parents
spoiled me rotten every year and I could tell this year was no exception. I
had every notion to charge back upstairs and wake my parents up, but
out of the corner of my eye, I saw strange lights reflecting against the
window. The front door was ajar and I peeked out, careful to not get
caught. It took a few moments to register in my head what I was seeing,
but I knew everything was about to change, for the worse. Before I heard
anyone say anything, I knew right then and there that my daddy wasn t
coming home. My mother was crying hysterically in the arms of a police
officer. As soon as she saw me I bolted and hid myself in the corner of
the room. It didn t take her long to find me, it was the same hiding place
I d always had. I loved my mother dearly; she raised me well and had a
lot of love to give. All of a sudden the roles changed, and it was her turn
to be a scared, little girl. She gathered me in her arms and told me that
my daddy been in a car accident on the freeway coming home. It had
been sheer ice, and the car had lost control. He wouldn t ever walk
through the door again. All I could think about what how it was my fault
for asking him to rush home.
But you were only a little girl.
He wouldn t have been rushing if I hadn t made him promise to be
there.
You can t hold on to that, it was only your perception as a young
child. You must know now that it wasn t your fault.
I still blame myself every day, especially around Christmas.
You ve got to stop that vicious cycle. I have a feeling he wanted to
be there as badly as you wanted him there.
But you don t understand. For four years I asked Santa to bring my
daddy back, but he never did. I said he could take back all my toys, all
my clothes, absolutely anything if I could have my daddy walk through
that door again. And you know what? Not once did my wish come true.
No amount of belief, wishes, or magic was ever going to bring him
back.
So you stopped believing in Santa.
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I stopped believing in everything.
Another set of tears started and she was back in his arms, wanting
nothing more than to be sheltered in his manliness.
It makes sense why you ve lost your hope and why the magic has
gone out of you. It also makes sense as to why you don t get close to
people, and push those away who want to be with you.
Elisa opened her mouth to say something, to come to her own
defense about past relationships, but she found she couldn t. All this
time she d blamed everyone else for her unhappiness. Now as she
thought about them, she was the one who wasn t emotionally there for
anyone. It wasn t she who felt ignored, uncared for or unneeded; it was
how she made others feel. She was just able to turn it around to make
herself the victim.
Oh Chris, you ve helped me see so many things in a short span of
time. Thank you.
It s easier when you re not involved in it, and you re very much
involved in it. All I did was offer a soft place to fall when you finally
could open up about it. You ve needed to release that guilt for a long
time in order to grow and flourish. Maybe now you can find a way to
heal those old wounds, and let some magic back into your heart.
You don t think I m too old to do all that?
He shook his head at her, sweeping her body closer. You re never
too old. Like I said, magic isn t something only children experience, it s
reserved for anyone who simply believes. Opening your heart is a great
first step. It will be essential in the healing process. You might want to
write out your feelings in a journal, to hold yourself accountable.
Then I m glad I bought myself a writing journal.
Beautiful! Once you ve started on this healing path, you ll notice
the weight dissipate from your shoulders, and you won t be carrying such
a heavy load. Magic is what you make it, so why don t you try and make
some magic.
Elisa kissed him on the forehead and moved a strand of hair away
from his eye. You really are a spirit, aren t you? I mean& you re full of
wisdom, the kind of wisdom that can only come from experience. Here I
thought you were full of beans, but now I m thinking you re full of
magic.
Do you truly believe I possess magical powers?
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She wasn t sure if he was testing her or not, but she believed it. The
night had taken a sudden turn, and all for the better. How was it possible
he knew when to reach out to her? She couldn t let him go.
Yes, I m convinced you are magical. There s no other explanation.
Look at what you ve done for me since you appeared. You came out of
nowhere, bringing me gifts only I knew I wanted, and loved me in a way
I ve never experienced before. If it isn t magic, what could it possibly
be?
Love.
Elisa s brow furrowed. Love? Is it really that simple?
Three years ago I came here as your secret Santa, and as a guardian.
I immediately fell in love with you, and I wanted to profess my love to
you right then and there. But I was advised not to because you weren t
ready. The next year I came back again with a gift and still you weren t
ready. This time around I found a secret way in. I thought if I could help
you see the good things in your life, and help you open up, I might stand
a chance to win your heart.
Is that so?
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