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as well. Want to sleep in here tonight? he offered impulsively. It was a bad idea, given his ankle,
which wouldn t take kindly to being jarred, and the implications of sharing a bed for something other
than sex, but part of him wanted the company.
Dan answered him by getting out of bed and turning off the light, returning before the pang of
disappointment Tyler felt was expressed verbally.
In the dark, it was easy to move closer, Tyler on his back, Dan s head resting on Tyler s shoulder, his
hand on Tyler s stomach. As hugs went, it was lacking, but it was enough. Tyler laced his fingers
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with Dan s and waited.
I told you I knew I was gay, and I did. I never really thought about it; I just knew what turned me on,
and it wasn t the cheerleaders. Dan s breath was a whisper against Tyler s shoulder, but his words
were clear. How about you?
Tyler resigned himself to a quid pro quo arrangement and cleared his throat. About the same, I
guess, though I tried a few cheerleaders before I got it into my head that it wasn t going to work.
Actual cheerleaders? Or metaphoric ones?
Actual, Tyler confessed. I was a jock; they were a perk.
I was a nobody, and the jocks didn t care enough about me to even beat me up.
Well, that sucks, Tyler said, just to get Dan to chuckle drowsily and move a little closer.
I know. But I was lucky; small town, sure, but people were mostly okay about it. In fact, one of the
jocks was gay, and I m pretty sure another one was, but he kept it quiet. I could ve come out and no
one would ve given me hell for it at school.
Times had changed. Tyler couldn t imagine what his own school days would ve been like if people
had known. But you didn t?
You know I said mostly okay ? My dad wasn t. Okay, I mean. He wasn t the kind to get roused up
over it and beat people up, but whenever the subject came up, he just -- his face got all closed off and
he --
Dan broke off and Tyler waited, giving him time, and then, when Dan remained silent, gave him what
small comfort he had. My dad and yours would have gotten along just fine.
Yeah. Dan rubbed his cheek against Tyler s shoulder. I bet they would. Anyway, I was doing
okay. I dated a few girls to keep him from suspecting -- and he didn t really want me having a social
life, anyway; too much work needed doing on the farm.
No boys? Just girls?
Dan sighed. One boy. Man, really.
Luke.
Yeah. Dan slid his hand free and began to trace light, meaningless patterns on Tyler s stomach with
his fingernails. Luke. Luke Carter. Dad took him on to help out in spring and I just -- oh, God, he
was --
I can imagine, Tyler began to say.
No, no, you can t. Dan s voice was vehement and there was a good six inches between his body
and Tyler s now. He was twenty-five, that s all, just six years older, and he didn t seduce me, I
chased him --
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Do I look like your fucking father? Tyler interrupted as Dan s voice rose in volume. You want to
have this argument with him all over again, go out the door and start walking. Or call him up; I don t
mind if it s long distance. But don t make me into him.
I wasn t, Dan muttered.
Yes, you were. So you and Luke started something and you got caught; was that it?
Dan nodded, the movement felt rather than seen. Dad was supposed to be at a poker game. Every
month, same thing; he goes into town, plays with his buddies for a few goddamn dollars, and comes
back at eleven. So we thought we had time and we didn t, because the truck broke down on the way
in and he got a ride back from a neighbor. Sam dropped him off at the end of the road and so we
didn t hear him coming --
Awkward for everyone, Tyler said. What happened?
He went for Luke. Got in two good punches before I stopped him, and Luke, well, he s not built like
you, but he s strong enough. Things were said, and Luke just wasn t there in the morning. Left me a
note telling me he was headed to Canada and it d been nice knowing me.
Ouch, Tyler said. He wasn t unsympathetic, but he couldn t see the faceless Luke as being much of
a loss either.
I stuck around for a few weeks, then I just couldn t take it anymore. He wouldn t stop talking about
it. On and on and fucking on& Said I was sick. Said I d been influenced by Luke. Said I was doing it
to piss him off, get back at him for something. Said just about every goddamned thing you can
imagine except that it was okay, he still loved me, and he d accept it and move on.
Dan rolled over, his back to Tyler. I didn t love Luke. We didn t have much in common really. But
he was -- he was -- he made me feel good. Not so alone. Not so different.
So why are you going after him?
I m not. There was a pause and then Dan added, Not really. I mean, Canada s big. It s not like I m
going to cross the border and he ll be on the other side, waiting.
I wouldn t count on it, no, Tyler agreed.
But it was somewhere to aim for, and it seemed dumb to leave home without a plan.
A plan. God help us, Dan thought that was a plan? Tyler searched for a way to comment on what Dan
had said without being insulting and gave up. Yeah, it would ve been. Really dumb. He wasn t sure
if Dan wanted anything more from him, but it was going to be hard to top that. You about ready to
go to sleep now?
Sure. Dan turned his head, the shape of it all that Tyler could see in the darkness. You think I m an
idiot, don t you?
I think& Tyler shook his head. A bit. But being sensible can be overrated. And at least you didn t
do what I did when I left home.
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What did you do?
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